


The Return of Keeping up with the Paladins!!!

by geemrmiranda



Series: Keeping Up With The Paladins [4]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: 603 days, Cults, Famer Lance, Flowers, Implied Sexual Content, Keith has no time for this bullshit, M/M, Matt is everyones favourite paladin, Pidge thinks thats true at least, Post-Season/Series 08 Finale, Salt, Sex robots are better than people, Tap Dancing, That arm is still dumb, The author is still salty, having an anonymous identity everyone knows about, hunk is a cinnamon bun, indigestion, is this a good comeback, marriage issues, nudist cults, shirtlesss shiro, solving world hunger, xoxo gossip coran
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:07:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25787809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geemrmiranda/pseuds/geemrmiranda
Summary: The sequel no one has been waiting for.Coran has a new episode of Keeping Up With the Paladins!!! two years after everything ended.
Relationships: Curtis/Shiro (Voltron), Keith/Shiro (Voltron), Kolivan/Lance (Voltron), Pidge/sex robot
Series: Keeping Up With The Paladins [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/883200
Kudos: 6





	The Return of Keeping up with the Paladins!!!

The image flickered and went into focus. Coran’s face appeared on the screen.  
“Is this thing on?” He cleared his throat. “Hello. Coran here. It’s been a while, but guess what… KEEPING UP WITH THE PALADINGS: THE SEQUEL IS HAPPENING!”  
“Oh god no,” said Keith, and booked the next space ship far away from wherever Coran was.  
“Ignore that. Anyways, WE’RE BACK BITCHES! 603 days after defeating all the bad guys, destroying all realities, then fixing said realities, losing Allura (RIP sista), watching Shiro get married to random technician number 4 and since hating everything related to Voltron and cancelling all the involved writers and producers… we are back, to give you an update of our lives post-Voltron:

Lance is a farmer now for some reason. And still sad and lonely.  
Pidge has cracked the answer to the universe. It’s not 42.  
Hunk has been cooking for two years straight. Literally. We have not seen this man leave the kitchen. But hey, it solved Earth’s hunger crisis.  
And our favourite Paladin, Matt, has been doing fine and is still working on his indigestion problem. He’s very thankful for all the fanmail though.  
Shiro is happily married, to no one’s delight, and no longer wears shirts. Ever. He’s a bottom.  
And last of all, it is I, Coran, who has the best news. I’m pregnant. And somehow this makes more sense than Shiro’s wedding.  
Anyways, that was the summary. Enjoy the new season! xoxo Gossip Coran.”

“…Gossip Coran?” Matt asked.  
“It’s my new anonymous internet persona.”  
“But... it’s not anonymous. Your name is literally in the – “  
“MOVING ON!” shouted Gossip Coran.

The first scene showed Lance in a giant field of flowers. He was covered in nothing but leaves and wore a flower crown on his head. Not only was he a farmer, he also founded a nudist cult. The Flowers of Marmora. Kolivan was his first member. They made sweet love every day. In fact, they were doing it right now.  
“Coran, stop filming and join us!” Lance said in a sing-song voice.

Pidge was seen in her workshop. She had spent the last two years working on the robot you saw in that one scene. And yes, it is a sex robot. This show really isn’t for kids.

Hunk was next shown in his kitchen. It was clear he was still a sweet cinnamon bun. He wore a chastity belt. No one was getting distracted in his kitchen. 

Coran knocked on Shiro’s and random technician number 4’s door to spend a day of filming with them. He found Shiro sitting on the floor in the middle of living room, hugging his knees, holding a picture of his truly beloved, Keith, and regretting his life choices. He was shirtless, of course. His weird floaty arm was still weird and floaty.

The rest of the episode was just the space mice tapdancing on Kaltenecker’s back (obligatory Kaltenecker cameo: check!)

Are we still salty about season 8? Yes, yes we are.

The end.

**Author's Note:**

> xoxo Gossip Coran


End file.
